slightly traumatized.

darkness. shadow. footsteps. stranger. alone. scared. sick people. helpless. frightened. being flashed - what a freakish night.

sinking.

it's over. my heart sank. there's nothing much i can do, there's also nothing i want to do about it. just let it be. i believe everything happens for a reason. i shall accept it.

hello friend.

knew him 10 years ago. one of the nicest guys in the world. someone who knows me well. a tokyo trip too short for catching up. longing for another holiday to spend time together.

who wants to eat?

Date: Thursday 30 April 2009

Venue: Oriental Spirit 52-54 Victoria St Richmond (highly recommended by Alan)

Event: A 'family' dinner gathering

Verdict: One of the best Thai restaurants in Melbourne - i shall go back for more duck curry..

i see.

i have learned to pursue the contingency approach to living my life. my own idea of the contingency approach is that there is no one best or fixed way in facing daily situations. to be able to deal with whatever life throws at me, i try to handle all circumstances with techniques that must be tailored specifically to achieve the best possible result in a positive way.

to me it makes so much sense that we have to expect the unexpected. i am learning again to trust people. along the way, there will be disappointment, definitely. when people hurt you, you can fight back, tit for tat. Or, you can simply put it behind you, make it as a lesson to remember. i don't do equivalent retaliation. i prefer the latter method. nevertheless, i will always remember what people do to me - forgive but not forget.

i call this generation gap.

i was having a chat with a 45-year-old yesterday. once he found out about my age, and also the fact that i am not married, he was in shock. And i was in shock too when he told me this: "Why are you not married yet? You have been wasting your life!"

What a subjective judgment.

It has been 2 years...

There is no hope or joy except in human relationships.

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

...

You play such an important role. It has become part of my life. I will remember everything.

Reality checking...

The bloody weather hit 36 degree late this afternoon when i was on my way home. i knew it wouldn't be a smooth and comfortable ride home as everybody including me was trying to get out of the city as soon as possible by squeezing on the first tram that arrived.

i was on tram 59. there was no seat, i was standing, which was what i preferred anyway. when we stopped at the Franklin Street or A'Beckett Street stop (I can't remember which one it was...), this heavily pregnant woman got on the tram. When i said 'heavily', i mean it's like she's going to give birth anytime. Standing near the doors, i quickly gave way and let her had more space. At that very moment, i was expecting someone, just anyone to give up his or her seat for this mother-to-be. nevertheless, no one did anything. It was appalling.

the pregnant woman was standing right next to this guy in his business suit, wearing his sunnies and reading his mx. Her tummy was so BIG that i was very sure the guy knew she was standing right next to him because her tummy was pointing at his face. However, he didn't do anything. He was still reading his mx. there were other passengers doing their own things like talking on mobile phones, texting, or may be just day-dreaming in their seats, and none of them were kind enough to offer the pregnant woman a seat. She just kept quiet.

i wanted to ask the pregnant woman whether she wanted a seat to rest, and i would help her to look for a seat. but then i held myself back. in my mind, i knew that's the acceptable standard of a right thing to do. then i was thinking from another point of view - if i ask any of the passengers who were sitting down comfortably to give up his or her seat, would i be invading someone's privacy? When i was wondering the notion of morality, someone got off and the pregnant woman took the seat.

When i got off the tram, i kept thinking about what happened. i realize i should have done something. i should have helped her in getting a seat. In today's society, many of us are selfish and ignorant. People should be more generous and make the world a better and happier place to live in.

One thing i love about summer of January 2009....

I went for a swim at Sth Melb Beach three days ago, it was awesome. I was shivering while going into the water. It was not as warm as i thought it should be. That's usually what happens at the beginning. But after the first dive into the water, everything felt so good. Unbelievable.

It is amazing how the water washed away my physical and mental tiredness and troubled thoughts. i felt alive.